1. Somebody stole my mood ring and I’m not quite sure how I feel about that.
2. A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
3. How do you kill a circus? Go for the juggler…
4. Nurse: “Doctor, there’s an invisible man in the waiting room.”
Doctor: “Tell him I can’t see him.”
5. The stationary store moved.
6. Have you heard about the corduroy pillow? I hear it’s making headlines.
7. Bartender says, “We don’t serve your type here.”(SAGE HELP)Only a nut can find anything funny with this
8. Did you hear about the psychic midget that robbed a bank?
Now there’s a small medium at large.
9. Why are New Yorkers so depressed? Because the light at the end of the tunnel is just New Jersey.
10, It’s always hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they’re always taking things literally.(Sage Help)(Taking Things)= stealing things .Even I took a while to figure this one out NOT FUNNY
11. What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.
12. There are two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says “do you know how to drive this thing?”
13. Someone threw cheese at me. Real mature! (Sage Help)--Real Mature=AGED Not Funny and Stupid
14. The French have just one egg for breakfast, because that’s un oeuf. (Sage Help)-sounds like ENOUGH but un oeuf is French meaning one egg. Not Funny unless you can read French
15 Two atoms are walking down the street, one says to the other:“I think I just lost an electron.”“Are you sure?” “I’m positive.” (Sage Help) Unless you were lucky and your High School required you to take Chemistry, How many people know that an atom is negative as long as the Electrons and Protons are the same number.
16. It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do. (Sage Help) hidden meaning this is a Dirty Joke
17. “Knock knock”“Come in” (Sage Help) Not Funny and Stupid
I remember the most famous Joke Teller (not a Comedian) but a true Joke Teller that ever lived, Henny Youngman, who opened every show the same way.
Alone on stage with only a mike on a silver pole he starts!!! "Hi Folks i'm Henny Youngman, I'm married, Hilder is her name (He now lights a cigar leans forward and says) ---Take My Wife-----He brings his hands together as though praying and says---- PLEASE!!!, After the audience calms down he follows with a half hour of the wife and his mother in law and the infamous milk man in the kitchen, the bedroom, the car, shopping- "Hiilarious Joke after Joke----Bob Hope said of him, "He Don't Stop Till He Has Them on Their Knees".
People flooded the Catskill Mountain resorts in Northern New York and New York City watering holes called cocktail lounges just to hear him with often a mob left on the sidewalk trying to get in. Having been Born and Raised in "THE CITY" my date and I were often among that crowd. So we drove out to Flatbush where the drinks were cheaper and the beach wasn't far away.
Bonus Sage -
Watching TV tonight at 10 pm. The show had a Joke attributed to Youngman:
A turtle climbed out of the lake in New York's Central Park and was attacked and robbed by a large group of snails. The police asked the turtle to describe the snails and he replied, “I don’t